Bird-watching f*#%&$ rules!

Recently I've become involved in a new activity. Sort of an activity. Bird watching. Yeah, I know, it's an old man's hobby, but I've put out some feeders and the different birds it has been attacting has been really cool to see. Ok, maybe not so cool. Hummingbirds, finches, grosbeaks, woodpeckers, and cowbirds are just a few. But there is one that has been somewhat elusive. I kept a log of what I did to attract the bald eagle.

Day 1: After weeks of being unable to attract a bald eagle to my bird feeders, I decided to think outside the box. Having done a little research on the feeding habits of eagles, I caught a rabbit and tied it by its hind legs to one of my bird feeder poles.
I didn't know rabbits screamed.
Day 2: The screaming finally stopped last night and when I checked on my feeders, only a leg remained. Damn! The eagle was here and I missed him! Caught another rabbit. More screaming.
Day 3: Missed him again. Another rabbit. Got some earplugs, too. Cleared my schedule to watch my feeder pole.
Day 4: Got a taller pole. Turns out that my fucking dog has been feasting on hassenfeffer, not an eagle. New rabbit. I'm starting to get funny looks from the neighbor down the road. Hey dude, don't hate me because I'm a nature-lover!
Day 5: nothing.
Day 6: nothing, but the rabbit is quiet. I think he's sleeping.
Day 7: Not sleeping. However, on the positive side, the hot sun is making him bigger. Sort of like a rabbit-balloon...
Day 8: Bre'r Rabbit is starting to drip things. I think Lovecraft might refer to it as "all manner of filth and corruption." BUT - I've got several eagles hovering now.
Day 9: Rabbit's gone. The "eagles" were turkey buzzards, and they were very happy to take that dead rabbit off my hands.
So ends my quest to observe a bald eagle. I'm out of rabbits, and anyway it wasn't all that relaxing. Those fuckin' rabbits creeped me out, man.